It amazes me how much He can accomplish in me when I finally submit to Him, when I finally knuckle down and carve a slice of my day out for a quiet moment with Him.
I am incapable of being one of those morning dates with God kind of people - waking up at the crack of dawn to spend time with Him before my family wakes is impractical in this season of my life; the only quiet moments my daughter gives me are in the afternoons while she naps and the evenings after she goes to bed for the night.
I have spent a lot of time lamenting because I couldn't do the morning thing, enough so that I let myself get derailed by it.
I am the kind of person who often [mistakenly] thinks that if something can't be done "right" then it shouldn't be done at all. Honey, let me tell you that there is no wrong way to spend time with God! I have learned this the hard way, the stubborn and inconvenient way, the I-know-better-than-God way. And what I learned is that He is ready to take you as you are!
All you can manage is ten measly minutes in the shower, or the car, or right after the kids go to bed? Good; He'll take it! He wants to reserve that spot in your life. And on top of that, He wants to maximize this time.
Any time spent with God is time well spent, a sound investment. I can't count the number of years that I have logically understood this concept in my head, while denying it in my heart... Until I finally just gave in and did it, gave Him time.
It's not always a lot of time, and sometimes it is still sporadic - because I am human, horribly flawed, and still learning... but when I did show up, He showed me that it was worth it!
I started last year knowing that I had to make a change in my life, knowing that I needed to rely on Him far more than I had ever let myself before. I was drowning in the depression of being away from home and married to the Marine Corps. And though I had really fought a good fight on my own, I was losing ground faster than I could measure it!
Change began with a simple Bible study on the Proverbs 31 Wife of Valor and the very difficult choice of giving up some time with my husband. It wasn't easy.
Instead of falling asleep next to my husband, I chose to stay up an hour later on my own while the house was quiet. At first my husband resented this and felt neglected, and in all honesty, he probably was. But God took that opportunity to heal some very old and raw wounds that I had spent years trying to fix myself [ I am not a good physician]. The blessing became my newfound strength and ability to better care for my husband in other areas of our lives; it became my newfound desire to pray for him.
And the change in me, I discovered, was profound. I was [am] entirely the same woman I've always been, and yet better... better in that way that only God can make better, secure in a way that is only obtained through unshakable faith in God's unending and perfect love, capable in way that only God is capable [of moving mountains].
God used that time to prepare me, too. When life became unbelievably difficult towards the second half of last year, I had His foundation beneath me and His grace to strengthen and refresh me. When the fiery trial came and burnt so much of the film flam that I had invested my time in, I stood in the midst of the flames and took count of the blessings that remained... and I felt His grace and His strength move me, sustain me.
I continued to give Him my time, and I felt Him pour His compassion and grace into me, watched Him rebuild my marriage with the strength of gold, silver, and precious gems - not the hay that my husband and I had chosen to use. I saw my life transform into something new. As Capital Kings sing, "[He's] got me living how I've wanted all along."
And now, in this new season of my life... sometimes the only time I have to give Him are the ten quiet minutes in the shower [seriously], but that's enough.
He moves in my heart and whispers to me, "Write, Mollie, write. It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect. You don't need a fancy computer or graphics software; I have given you everything you need right here, right now. So write! Don't hem and haw over the content; I'll handle that! Just write already!"
So, I am writing... and I don't know how often it will be, or how poetic or profound it will be, or to what purpose it will serve... but I am giving Him time, and I am writing!