Thursday, December 18, 2014

Doughnuts

(Okay, let's get this out of the way, I LOVE Dunkin' Donuts, but for Pete's sake, it really irks me to see it spelled "donut". Ugh.)

I am not at the point of dreaming about doughnuts - my dreams seem to be reserved for the zombie apocalypse, rampaging velociraptors, and negotiating with sentient chocolate milk floods (which steal appliances and hold them ransom) and tornadoes, NOT the gluten-free items that I can't eat anymore. But doughnuts SHOULD be a part of that. They're that freaking good... and I miss them that much.

It's strange how the brain works. When I was a kid, my mother would take me and my sister to the local doughnut shop (who was also in the habit of selling "donuts" tsk tsk) early in the morning for whatever reason (I can't remember). What I DO remember is that I wasn't really jazzed on the idea of eating doughnuts. By the time I had finished half my doughnut and apple juice, I would have a wicked-awful sinus headache, so it really wasn't much of a treat for me...

Somewhere between then and going gluten-free, I discovered Dunkin' Donuts (they didn't really have much of a presence in the KC metro while I was growing up) and I fell in love. The doughnut sticks that they package and sell in vending machines became a breakfast staple while I did the corporate thing working at a call center in my early twenties.

Now that I am gluten-free (and have been for the last 6 or so years)... aside from a few options in the frozen food section of my local Hy-Vee supermarket, I really don't get doughnuts. And I miss them something awful!

My father-in-law, bless his heart, likes to go get doughnuts on Saturday mornings, and though the intention is nice, I cringe every single time he does. Even though I am not fond of the brand, those fluffy little pastries taunt me from their box, and I resist the urge to punch them in their smirking little faces! (Okay, not really - I AM prone to some creative exaggeration here. ENFP.) And it's even more complicated now that my daughter isn't eating gluten either. (It's hard to tell a 3-year-old she can't have a doughnut when her grandparents are eating them. And thankfully, the Saturday morning doughnuts have been scaled back pretty well.)

My hubby, the dear man that he is, has tried making doughnuts at home for me. But, try as we might, they just aren't quite right, and I get that terrible sinus headache (which I am guessing is some kind of migraine) from the smell of the oil by the time we are done... and then I have NO stomach for anything even remotely fried. :(

I am beginning to think that I am going to have to go the yeasty, waking up at the crack of dawn and rolling and cutting dough route... and I am not so sure I am ready to bite on that... but DOUGHNUTS! ugh.

It irks me that the average person gets to wake up in gluten-land and drive to the shop down the street (or stop at the gas station) and grab a wad of gorgeously fried pastry - and that is ALL the work that they have to put into it! But, as for me? Nope. I get to hope I don't anger the yeast. And wake up early. To roll out dough. And let things sit and rise. And then the frying. All for a freakin doughnut!

I mentioned in passing to my mother-in-law that SOMEONE should [get off their ass and] make a gluten free doughnut shop. It would be SO nice.
But, of course, her response was something ignorant about it "defeating the purpose" of doughnuts. It's really not her fault. Pretty much everyone under the sun thinks that being gluten-free is some fad-diet that makes the pounds just fall right off, which is a WHOLE other can of works so let's just go with: it isn't. 

I'm sure someone out there would say "well, why don't YOU do it?" And that's a reasonable enough question... and my answer is that it really isn't my calling in this world at this season in my life. Not gonna happen.

So, until someone else steps up to the plate... I guess I'll be working myself up to the idea of yeast and wishing I could dream about doughnuts for once, instead of shooting zombies or getting chased by brilliant raptors. :/

Ugh.

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